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Writer’s Block

Do you every get the feeling that something just isn't right in your life?  Like you're just minding your own business, but Michael Dorn is stalking you while wearing the Worf makeup from ST:DS9?

Worf is hunting you, humans.

Well, we all feel that way sometimes. Usually, we're just being paranoid, but on occasion, we find "Worf" searching through our closets licking our clothes. It happens. Not everything that sounds like a paranoid delusion really is. Sometimes, just sometimes, they really are out to get you.  For instance, did you know that J. Edgar Hoover actually wiretapped hundreds of "dissedents" during his reign over the FBI? Or that the Austrian government has in fact conducted secret experiments on the border of human consciousness for decades? Or that 9 has embedded a secret code filament on this site which will, when activated, cause you to sell all your property and donate the proceeds to the newly formed First Evangelical Church of 9?
Here are some of the most impossibly true plots to truely ruin your life:
#1: NASA (National Assosication of Sodomites and Assholes)
Under the guise of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, NASA has seeped it's way into everyone's life. The cold, hard truth about this "National Administration" that isn't mentioned a single time in the Constitution, is that they are secretly devising new, and more terrifying, ways to anally violate your children while making you watch. G Dub tried to protect us from this, demanding the NASA be exiled to Mars, but the Democrats, always happy to appease criminals and the gay agenda, overruled this.

#2: Larry King Wants to Steal Your Soul
Little known fact about legendary interviewer Larry King: He is a soulless lich that has existed since the middle ages. Under the name Larrious Rex, he amassed a small fortune bilking the princes of Germany out of millions. Then he began sacrificing the Teutonic children to his dark gods until he was killed by the nobles. His dark god took pity on him and granted him immortallity and fame. In return, Larry King must establish contact with unknown people and give their names to his dark lord in order for his existence to continue.
More to come in the following weeks!